insperation

September 8, 2014

Learning To Drive

So I have returned to my blog after what has been another extended break away from it over the past few weeks. Unfortunately I had hit what I can only describe as writers block. I sat at my laptop several times and started typing but didn’t know how to or what to write. There have been a number of reasons for this, firstly there is the fact that let’s face it, I’m a dyslexic blogger, as many of you who read this will be able to relate to, sometimes I just can’t get any words from my brain out onto paper no matter how hard I try. This is something that causes us dyslexics a lot of trouble during our time in education, thankfully I’m finished all of that and all it affects now is when I want to write a new blog. Another reason I’ve been experiencing a mental block is because all the issues I raised in my previous blog are still affecting me. Life is tough and I’m finding it difficult to cope but thankfully I have a great support network around me in the form of my family and close friends and I’m getting through it. For those who have emailed me since I posted my last blog to ask how I and granny are, I would like to thank you for your concern, it means a lot that people are thinking about you, especially when some of the emails were from pure strangers who I’ve never met but have been following my blog so thank you. To let you know, Granny is still in the same condition as she was when I wrote that last blog, fighting hard and holding her own against all the odds.

I thought I would never end the mental block but over the past few weeks some of my friends and family asked me when I would be writing my next post and it kept me thinking that I need to get back to my normal self and start writing again. Also on Thursday last, #IrishBlogHour took place on twitter and after chatting and networking with other Irish bloggers for an hours and reading some blogs and receiving feedback on my blog I managed to convince myself I would sit down and write no matter what came out. Then on Saturday I received an email from someone saying that now that September was upon us she has returned to school and as a student with both dyslexia and dyspraxia like myself, she has on many occasions felt like giving up but when someone shared my blog with her back in January she enjoyed reading it and started to follow it. She told me that it has inspired her to keep going at school and she has found new confidence in herself and has picked up a number of different coping mechinisms and learning techniques and tricks which have helped her. Over the summer while I was away from my blog due to personal difficulties she missed it but she was away from school and didn’t need the motivation as much but now that school is back she asked if I could post more blogs as she said until reading my story she honestly thought that she was not going to achieve anything as a result of her dyslexia and dyspraxia but she no longer thinks that as she sees all I have achieved and she said that the sky is the limit to what can be achieved with the right attitude, some hard work and determination. Until reading this email I didn’t realise that my blog was helping people this much and it gave me that extra boost I needed to sit down and overcome my mental block I was experiencing.

So enough about that and onto today’s blog topic, its one I have promised I would write about for a while…. learning to drive. Your probably wondering how dyslexia would affect learning to drive but you would be amazed how difficult it made the experience and when you throw my dyspraxia on top of that it was a recipe for disaster. As I’ve outlined in previous blogs, my dyspraxia affects my hand-eye coordination, my special awareness / depth perception and reaction time. My dyslexia makes me process a message at a slower speed then the average person, read road sign slower/not understand what I have read (that’s if it’s a once off sign with lots of information on it, I understand the everyday signs such as a stop sign when I see it). So with all these difficulties the thought of learning to drive was quite petrifying as let’s face it, a car is a big piece of machinery that can cause death to yourself or others if a mistake is made while using it, so I was a nervous wreck at the thought of getting behind the wheel. Because of this I avoided driving for as long as possible and where most young people jump at the opportunity to learn to drive as soon as they hit the legal age, I was happy to stick to public transport as it seemed less stressful.

Saying that I was a slight bit curious and at the age of 19 I did make an attempt to learn to drive. Dad took me out in his car and with as much patients as he could find, (it took a lot as I really wasn’t any good) he started to teach me. The biggest difficulty I was having was the gears and the gearbox. Due to my lack of coordination I couldn’t grasp the concept of engaging the clutch, releasing the accelerator, moving the gearstick and then slowly releasing the clutch and engaging the accelerator again all within a matter of moment. It just wasn’t happening and many of my friends know that no matter how hard I tried myself and the gearbox could never become friends and it resulted in a lot of noises coming from dads car that made him make a face I’ve never seen him make before or since. He was horrified of the damage I was no doubt encoring on his car. Eventually after months of trying to no avail I decided that I was very content with my public transport and I gave up the attempts to learn to drive.

Then last year as I was sitting in work having finished college, I was coming to the end of my initial 3 month contract with the company and there had not been a mention of extending my contract yet and I realised that even though this company was 15 minutes by train followed by a 10 minute walk away from home, not every job offer was going to be accessible by public transport and I thought it was time for me to take on the challenge of learning to drive again. It was just a few weeks after I had received my final year college results and I knew I was getting a first class honours degree so I knew that I had never let my difficulties beat me before and I had no intention of letting them get the better of me now. I sat back and though about learning to drive as if it were a subject at college and I began to wonder if any of my supports / learning techniques could help me, then it hit me. If I removed the biggest stress factor I could worry about the other challenges after. The biggest stress factor was my lack of coordination and attempting to work gears and a gearbox so I went away and bought an automatic car. 2 pedals, 1 to go (the accelerator) and 1 to stop (the break), no gears, no stress, this would be perfect.

Dad took me out again and began to teach me the basics before I got lessons from a driving instructor and suddenly everything felt much easier. I felt more confident as I knew I could concentrate on driving and what was happening around me and not worry one bit about changing gears as it would do that itself for me. I was much happier so I went and got my 12 driving lessons form a registered driving instructor and according to the road safety authority there are actual lesson guidelines and certain things to be covered in each of the 12 lessons but they are designed for someone learning to drive a manual car so there is lots of time spent on gears in each lesson so we were able to skip these bits and spend more time building up my driving experience, learning the rules of the road and how to drive the car safely and confidently. Following my 12 lessons I decided I wouldn’t rush straight in and do the test, instead I would continue to drive around building up my experience and confidence before applying for the test. I did this for a few months and then applied for the driving test and back in June I did the test and passed and now have my full licence less than a year after buying the car and learning to drive.

Many of you may be reading this and thinking to yourself that you don’t see how this is a big deal as people are passing their driving test every day, but until you experience the difficulties of dyslexia and dyspraxia you won’t understand how much of an achievement it was to learn to drive and pass the test. now saying that I’m not claiming to be a fantastic driver and I’m not saying I don’t experience any difficulties, my dyspraxia still affects my special awareness, depth perception, reaction speed etc. and as a result of this my brothers are always slagging me off for the way I drive (hands at 10 and 2) and eliminating all distractions so my mind doesn’t wonder, but I would rather be safe instead of sorry even if it does mean driving like and old lady instead of a 22 year old fella. That hasn’t meant I have had no incidences and I still get my left and right mixed up causing me to be shocking with directions and getting lost on several occasions. A few weeks back I went to visit granny in hospital and on the way home the road was closed due to work being done, a diversion was sign posted but there appeared to be miles too much info on the signs and I got confused and ended up driving around for 2 and a half hours before I made the normally 30 minute journey home.

Overall it’s an amazing relief to have come this far, to go from being unable to drive a few meters as I couldn’t work the gears to being able to drive around the place no bother and be confident in myself and my driving abilities, it has felt like a massive achievement for me. The main reason I wanted to cover this topic in a blog was because when I started writing this blog last year I decided I would help others suffering from difficulties caused by dyslexia and/or dyspraxia and I wanted to pass on techniques and advice that would help them overcome these difficulties or at least cope with them. If there is anyone who has had the same difficulties as me learning to drive but doesn’t want to give in then you should try an automatic and I guarantee you will find it so much easier and once the stress of changing gears has gone you can concentrate on everything else and it becomes second nature in no time at all. 1 or 2 people have said to me alright “oh my god you drive an automatic” and had a bit of a laugh of it but I always respond with the same thing “a lot of big cars only come in automatic as they are luxury cars, so I’m just getting the practice in now for when I’m driving my Audi A8 or Mercedes E-Class”. Besides to look at a car from the outside an automatic looks no different so unless you tell people or your giving them a lift somewhere nobody will ever need to know you’re driving an automatic. I would advise anyone who is finding it difficult to get their head around gears to go down the automatic route.

As always I’d like to thank you once again for taking the time to read my blog, and I welcome any feedback or questions you may have relating to dyslexia and/or dyspraxia and I will do my best to answer them or give you advice. You can post your questions in a comment below or if you want to ask me something in confidence then you’re welcome to email me at mryan1@mycit.ie

Thanks,

Mark

July 20, 2014

My True Insperation

I have not posted a blog since the 11th of May even though I had been posting one every second or third week up until that and during this time away I received a number of questions from people who had been following my blog asking why there were no more posts. The reason is simple, I lost my inspiration for a while. For those of you who have been following my blog you will know that the last one I posted was entitled “Family and Friends are the Best Support”. Well this is true, they really are the best support, and shortly after I posted that blog, my granny, who I am very close to fell very ill.

Granny is the one person I could rely on for support, encouragement, strength and motivation all the time, no matter what. I mean my family are superb and I would not have made it this far without their support and encouragement as I’m sure you have worked out by reading my previous blogs, but granny is the one who I can rely on even when I had an argument at home. Granny will never take sides but somehow manage to make both people feel better and realise how stupid the argument was. When I wrote the blog about my time in Primary school, I mentioned that before I was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia, we had no idea what was wrong with me. All I knew was that I was several steps behind the rest of my class, my spelling and grammar were fierce bad, my homework took me hours to do and my frustration levels were sky high as I was trying my hardest but no matter how hard I tried I never seemed to be able to do anything as well or as fast as anyone else. As a result of this, frustration would often cause a minor (or even a major) tantrum where a copy or workbook was thrown across the room as I attempted to do my homework. Granny was the one who would keep mother calm and the one who would cheer me up.

In more recent times stress levels got even higher, as I have mentioned previously I spent 4 years in college and graduated with a first class honours degree, this isn’t exactly a walk in the park for anyone so you can imagine how difficult and stressful it was to attempt to get such good grades when you have the difficulties of dyslexia and dyspraxia to cope with too. I also started life in the working world and life in general has been quite stressful as I constantly fight and try to avoid or overcome my difficulties caused by my dyslexia and dyspraxia on a daily basis.

I had come to learn that stress is bad for our health and I had learned this the hard way. Getting very sick as a result of being stressed made me realise that we all need some way of relaxing each and every day, mine was going to grannies for a pot of tea and a chat. I called every day after college and then when I moved into the working world I called after work. Sometimes I may be working late so I’d miss it but most of the time I called to granny every day for a chat over a pot of tea and it was the best way of clearing my head, fighting stress and getting some inspirational advice from one of the best ladies to have graced this planet. The stories she has are fantastic, we talk about when she was my age what she got up to and what life was like, she would tell me stories about everything and anything from the bad times to the good. Granny also always has stories for me of what is happening today, someone would have given her some news down at the hairdressers or while out doing the shopping or up in the doctor’s waiting room where she went several times a week for as long as I can remember to get the dressing on her leg changed. During these chats granny always manages to figure out if I have something on my mind and she would always be able to give me advice when I needed it or just cheer me up before I head home.

Granny is truly one of the most inspirational people I have in my life. At 89 she has seen several recessions, she has seen the good times and the bad, she has survived heart attacks and cancer scares and all the other health issues she battled off from angina to diabetes and she has fought against the odds to always find a way of making something possible and seeing the good in every situation. No matter what she is dealing with at any time, she is always positive and will always put a smile on your face. Even at 89 she does her best to stay up to date with all the happenings and goings on. She asks us about Facebook and twitter, she watches the news and reads the newspaper every day to keep up to date with what is going on in the world and to try to learn something new, granny will talk openly about any topic and is able to engage in conversations that would amaze you when you realise how old she is. She knows I started this blog and she gave me great encouragement and even though she doesn’t have a computer she understands what I am on about when I explained to her as she managed to move with the times and learn what was what.

Granny is an all-round fantastic lady and one of my biggest sources of moral support and encouragement. When she fell ill, the first 3 weeks I was too busy to even think about writing a blog as I spent the majority of my time with the family, uncle and aunts and cousins up in the hospital at granny’s bedside. Then as she began to stabilise and I returned to work and we tried to continue some normal life in between the time we were spending in the hospital, I did sit down to try write a new blog on a number of occasions but I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to say. My inspiration and motivation had gone. Everything has been so much harder since she fell ill. Everyday tasks feel like climbing mountains, it’s been difficult to think straight or positively. Then a thought struck me, on arriving into the hospital first day granny was given 3 to 5 days to live, 7 weeks on she is still fighting to stay alive. I have realised that she will be a strong fighter until the end. This has made me so proud of how strong willed she is and it also made me realise that she is giving me one last bit of support, encouragement and advice. You might be wondering, what is the advice she is giving me, well from what I can see granny has thought me to never give up, no matter what.

When I started this blog back in November of last year, I decided that it was time someone gave some support and advice to children and parents of children with learning difficulties as I felt growing up with them myself that there was not enough information out there. I know how much of a struggle it can be at times, when teachers don’t listen, when supports aren’t given, when exams are failed no matter how hard you worked and studied. I know how hard it can be for a child to be sat in class not able to understand what is going on and even worse not able to understand why they don’t know what’s going on, when people in the same class and of the same age are able to read perfectly and you can barely string a sentence together because your reading is bad and you have no idea why. I know how difficult it is for a parent to watch on as their child goes through this struggle, stress and upset and for that parent to feel helpless. I also know that when you’re experiencing the above situations the easiest option seems to be for you to give up. But over the past few weeks Granny, my biggest source of inspiration, motivation and encouragement, has thought me that we should never take the easy option, we should never give up.

Now don’t get me wrong, I may have found the motivation to finally return to my blog and talk about my life with learning difficulties and I may have discovered that we should never give up no matter what but I’m still struggling to cope with the situation. Everyday tasks are still feeling like mountains, getting out of bed in the morning to face another day is still a struggle and I hate the thought of having to go out and put a smile on my face for the world, pretending I’m perfect every time someone asks that stupid question “How are you?”. But I’d have learned nothing from granny if I were to leave everything bring me down, I will continue on and not give up, no matter what. Life will always give us difficulties, whether they are personal difficulties caused by a stage in our lives we are going through or if they are difficulties faced as a result of your dyslexia and dyspraxia, I have learned there is nothing to be gained by giving up.

I dedicate this blog to my granny who is still fighting to be in my life despite all the odds, I will forever love and look up to her and hope you can take some inspiration from her strength too and reach great heights by never giving up.

Thanks once again for taking the time to read my blog, as always I welcome any questions you may have relating to dyslexia and/or dyspraxia and I will do my best to answer them or give you advice. You can post your questions in a comment below or if you want to ask me something in confidence then you’re welcome to email me at mryan1@mycit.ie

Thanks,

Mark